Knowing Where I Am
So, I went on a new hike this week and got myself lost. I started off with a map, and I knew exactly where I was going. I remembered where I parked my car… I remembered how to get back to it… I was being aware of my surroundings. And then I hit a crossroads. There was a trail that led down to the beach. (Ok, well, it’s a lake, but it’s a lake with a sandy beach.) It was beautiful. Folsom Lake. An island in the middle of it. Big huge boulders to play around on. Vast, with lots of space for my dog to run around off-leash. So I took a moment to take in my surroundings before I veered off the path.
There was a red and white gate, maybe 3’ high, that I used as my beacon to get me back to the path. Every few feet, I would look back to be sure my beacon was still in sight, and I did a damn good job at this.
I played on some rocks, soaked in some sun, studied some sparkly rocks, played on an outcropping, and still periodically looked back to be sure my beacon was still there. I continued to romp around, enjoying the peace and immense freedom I was feeling. I don’t know how much time passed (I don’t mess with my phone in these moments), but I knew it was time to head back and………. Guess what? I lost sight of my beacon. I had NO idea where it was. It really could have been in either direction and I had zero clue. I decided to look up at the houses that were lined up above the trail, hoping they would give me a clue, except why would they do such a thing given I hadn’t paid any attention to them in the first place (so much for my saying I took in my surroundings)?
And then I realized this: I chose a beacon that was too low. Why didn’t I choose something that I could more easily keep in sight for a longer period of time as a reference? Why did I aim so low? But that’s neither here nor there. I was lost.
And as I continued to actively-not-panic, I had another significant realization. I stopped to ask myself why I was so uncomfortable with this experience. I knew I wasn’t actually truly and really lost. The absolute worst that would happen is that I walked a mile in the wrong direction and then would have to turn around and walk back. So what? That’s not so terrible. So what was the issue? Here is what the issue was: I DO NOT LIKE NOT KNOWING WHERE I AM. Not knowing where I am might be one of the most uncomfortable feelings that I ever feel in my life.
So what did I do? I walked in a direction until I could figure out where I was. Was it the right direction? Nope. But I figured it out pretty quickly, enjoyed the path of that not-right direction because it was gorgeous, turned around, and made it back to my car before I got too thirsty. It was perfect really. Getting lost helped me to learn that hike more intimately. I will not get lost on that hike next time. Instead, I’ll get lost on one of my next new hikes. And I’ll find my way back, having learned something new… again.
