Possibility Through Action
I am a possibility seer. This is not to be confused with the term optimistic - not that optimism is a bad trait. And to be honest, I’ve been accused of being optimistic by those who either don’t know me very well or those who are so pessimistic that I seem a bit unicornish to them.
Maybe I just don't see myself as the way I personally define an optimistic person. I see bubbly. I see finding the best in all situations, no matter what. And if I'm going to be fully truthful here, I see a bit of toxic positivity. (Go ahead, Google it.)
There isn’t much I can’t handle more than feeling like hell because some awful thing happened and I’m feeling damn sorry for myself and I just wanna feel shitty about it for the rest of the day and then some unicorn-ass says something like, “Look at the bright side….” and I instantly go deaf. There is no bright side from my perspective so just let me feel shitty for a little bit. Stop trying to fix me.
Sure, I'm generally positive. And yes, I do tend to see possibilities in all kinds of situations. But I can also clearly see when shit is fucked up, and I won't try to sprinkle any sugar onto those situations. Shit topped with sugar is still shit, no matter how we look at it. It’s best to accept the shit before the possibilities can even make any sense.
So then, what do we do in these situations? Is it possible to accept the crappy nature of a situation while still being open to possibilities? I think yes. But I also think it takes a lot - I mean, a lot - of practice.
And what does that practice look like? It looks like doing it when we don’t need to be doing it. The practice strengthens the muscle, gets it ready for use. Firefighters practice dragging that heavy-ass hose up many flights of stairs regularly. They don’t do it for fun (well, maybe some of them do); they do it so that they have the muscle and the practice for the real fires. This way, when they actually need that skill and strength, it’s already there - it’s second nature.
Is journaling helpful when you’re feeling bad? Then journal when you’re feeling good so that it remains top of mind. Cycling? Boxing? Singing Nine Inch Nails songs at the top or your lungs? Playing an instrument? Doing something creative? Whatever it is, make it a habit so that it’s available when you need it.
This is where the possibilities come into play. If we can relax into whatever bullshit experience we are having, then we can clear space for the seeing of possibilities. Because the firefighter is already fully comfortable with the hose, they can put their focus on the other things going on while dragging that heavy load around - they can essentially be a little more available to the other details.
Let’s play this out. You feel like hell, and you know that playing the guitar helps to ground you. So you play your guitar - not to pretend that you don’t feel like hell, but simply to move with the shitty feeling. (Think of emotions as things you need to move - as in move it through and out of the way.) Somehow, playing the guitar gives you space for other things, other feelings, other perspectives. It literally frees up some space. You weren’t trying to free up space - it just sorta happened that way. And now that you have some space, you can see other possibilities. Maybe that person wasn’t actually trying to be a jerk; maybe your boss wasn’t actually criticizing you; maybe your friend isn’t actually avoiding your text; maybe your dog shit on your pillow because she was sick, not because she’s pissed at you for being gone all day. We can’t see these things when we are stuck in the abyss of shit. However, the activity moves us through the abyss, hopefully in the exit direction.
How do you clear out space for the seeing of possibilities? What sort of lenses do you put on in order to see through your own shit storms?
